January 10, 2013

why buy the cow?

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, you should start :) And for those of you who do, you know that I sometimes post content about women's rights. I usually don't talk it on other social platforms but since I am changing the focus of my blog to be more about my everyday life, I'm going to start posting a few of my thoughts here. 

I wrote a post the other day talking about how people keep asking me if my current boyfriend and I are going to get engaged soon. One of my family members who asked this question continued to press me on the issue even after I told him I didn't know. Feeling uncomfortable by his comments about how I am getting older and need to start thinking seriously about marriage, I replied by saying that people get married and settle down at a later age in San Francisco (or any larger city for that matter) and that most of my friends aren't even in relationships at this time. 

His response? "Kate, this is going to sound harsh, but the reason guys aren't settling down with you and your friends is because you're giving away the milk for free."

I would love to tell you that I had some amazing and pithy response to this horrifying statement, but I didn't. I was too shocked. I'm still shocked, and honestly really saddened that people in the world still feel this way. Why are women continuing to be condemned for things like having sex before marriage?

I agree with Lindsey from Jezebel who says, "The idea that the onus is on women to "preserve" their chastity... instead of on men...is a fundamental imbalance in our society that creates tangible problems for women every day. And it's coupled with the idea that women who DO "give up" their lady-flowers (and maybe even enjoy it) are somehow tainted and less valuable."

We need to stop allowing people to make sex negative comments about women. I should have said something to my family member and told him he was wrong instead of waiting a month and then writing about it in my blog. But I didn't. Next time though, I won't stay silent. The slut shaming needs to stop, and it needs to stop now.

I am 26 years old and I'm not married. The fact that I have chosen to "give away the milk for free" is not the reason I'm still single and does not make me less valuable or desirable for marriage. The reason I'm still single is because I have not wanted marriage at this point in my life. Yes, I would very much like to be married someday, but I hardly think that my age should be the main requirement for finding a lifelong partner.  

Has anyone ever said something like this to you? If so, how did you react?

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