"You and your boyfriend have been dating a long time, are you guys getting serious?"
I hate this question. But unfortunately, this was the first thing most of my family members asked this past week.
Normally I just laugh and say "things are going well" and leave it at that, but this holiday season I felt as though this answer wasn't enough. The questions kept coming and included "Have you talked about getting married? Having kids? Is he the one?"
I felt so stuck. I didn't know how to tell them, things are great, but no, we haven't talked about marriage and no he doesn't want kids, or we have been dating a year but that doesn't mean we should be settling down.
Looking back on the week, I know they were just asking because they are family and haven't seen me for a year but it didn't make the questions any easier to answer. Maybe it was the constant reminder that I am 26 and that my "time is ticking" or the fact that I don't know how to answer their questions because I am unsure of the answer myself, but either way, it was extremely uncomfortable.
I know I'm not the only person this happens to when they visit family over the holidays, but why do people feel that they have the right to ask people these personal questions? I do want to get married and have kids one day but now is not the right time.
Do you get asked these questions at family gatherings? Does it bother you when people ask?
Welcome back to blogging :)
ReplyDeleteI have been with my manfriend for 5 years and after a while my family and his just stopped asking (we dont live together, not talking marriage anytime soon, no kid talk, etc)... it is assumed that we are happy and together at this point. Introducing him to my family (and me to his) after about a year really changed/ stopped the questions - because when they know us as "us" there is less need to define (does that make sense?).
Ok - long comment, but basically what I am saying is this: people will stop asking at some point :)
Thanks Kate!
DeleteIt's good to hear that it eventually stops. It's hard because I know people are just asking because they are interested and care about us, but I feel like it adds a lot of pressure and brings things up that we aren't ready to talk about. I've met most of his family so maybe when he meets the rest of mine things will change to be more like your situation!