happy thoughts

Otters hold hands while sleeping so they don't float apart. ERMAHGERD!

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I found this article on Twitter about The 30 Happiest Facts of All Time and it just totally made my day, especially the first fact about otters. I hope you enjoy it as well!

a post about love and equality

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for." ~ Eric Jong

It is hard for me to put into words how I feel about marriage equality, partly because I don't think it should be an issue we even have to discuss. How can we tell people that having love in their hearts is wrong? It hurts to think that people can be so cruel to those who live differently than them. I am lucky that I live in a city that is typically supportive of gay marriage and all of my friends and (most of) my family feel the same way. 

It won't be like this forever, it will get better, and we will learn to honor and appreciate love in all it's different forms. If you think everyone should have the right to be married, please do something to help. We can't be passive about this anymore. We need to protest, donate, and vote for everyone to have equal rights. To be free to love! 

stonewalling

I read an interesting article this morning on how not to be a jerk during your next fight. The article brought up a few points that I wanted to share on the blog.

First, that stonewalling, or avoidance:

"conveys a lack of respect. Interestingly, studies show that most men are physiologically unaffected by their wives’ stonewalling. However, stonewalling has quite the opposite affect on women. Wives’ heart rates increase dramatically when their husbands stonewall."

The article then goes on to say that 85% of men are stonewallers. I am curious to see what percent of women are stonewallers. If I would have to guess, I would say 99%. I am a huuuge stonewaller. If I am fighting with my boyfriend I don't want to deal with it and so I ignore him for a few days. Then you know what happens? Nothing. He will call me like nothing has happened and then be completely confused when I tell him I have been ignoring him. When he stonewalls me? I check my phone frantically throughout the day waiting to see if he has apologized and I stress myself out until we eventually talk again. This method sucks, and doesn't really do anything to fix the problem.

So how do you fix this then? I am still learning, but this article has a suggestion that I love. You make better choices! Fighting is all about the choices you make and how you decided to make the other person feel. Instead of ignoring my boyfriend "to get him back for hurting me" I can reach out and nicely tell him how I feel. It sounds so easy when I type it out, but it's hard and takes a lot of work to keep calm and be friendly when someone you love hasn't treated you how you would want.

Do you have any tips on how to fight fair?

money and relationships

I know this is not a popular topic, but I'm always so curious about how couples deal with money in their relationships. I've had the same view for years about how I would like to keep my finances if I ever get married but most of my friends and close family members have different opinions. Money is so personal and really depends on the couple, which is why I always like to hear how people chose to handle money and all the reasoning behind it. 

Just a heads up, I am going to be completely transparent on how I envision money in a marriage. I have never been married so of course this might change but if I got married tomorrow this is what I would expect.   

I think everything should be shared. I understand why people would want to have separate bank accounts but I wouldn't want that for myself. The reasons? Well there are a lot. First of all, I feel like when you get married (or even when you are in a serious relationship) you're a team. Everything you do, or all of the money you make when you're together is for the relationship, not just the individual anymore. 

I dated a guy for a while that made a significantly greater amount of money that I did. When we would go out on the weekends he always wanted to do things that were more than I could afford. Instead of making me feel bad about not being able to pay, he offered to pay the difference saying that he didn't want to miss out on the things he enjoyed because I couldn't afford it. I know some of my friends disagreed with this, but it actually worked really well for us. 

On the flip side, towards the end of our relationship he made some bad investments and lost a lot of money. This is where I came in. I took much more responsibility paying for things and helped out when he no longer could. I feel like in marriage, there will always be ups and downs and there will be a time where I will have to help my spouse financially- and I am okay with this! People get sick, lose their jobs, take pay cuts and get raises, and I want my spouse to support me through these times as I would 100% support them.

I think the most important thing for me with money and relationships is to be COMPLETELY honest and have both partners equally involved in the finances. Whether it's budgeting, paying the bills, creating financial goals or making big purchases, both parties should have an equal say and knowledge about money.

What do you guys think about money and relationships? Do you agree and disagree with shared bank accounts? Remember, talking about money is incredibly personal so please be respectful in any replies :)

I went to burning man last year

I don't really know how to explain Burning Man. I lot of people told me this same thing before I went and it really bothered me. I like to prepare for things and be organized, but they were right, there really is no way to describe the experience you have when you are there. This is the best I can do for now...

Burning Man is a week long festival in Black Rock City, NV which is in the middle of nowhere. You don't need money when you are there because everyone trades and "gifts" things to you, as you will do with others. Similar to camping, you need to make sure you have plenty of water, lights, food, eye goggles and bandanna's for the whiteout dust storms, etc. 

I think the best description I have read about Burning Man is on the Burning Man website:

"You belong here and you participate. You're not the weirdest kid in the classroom — there's always somebody there who's thought up something you never even considered... 

You're here to survive. What happens to your brain and body when exposed to 107 degree heat, moisture wicking off your body and dehydrating you within minutes? You know and watch yourself...You slather yourself in sunblock before the sun's rays turn up full blast. You bring enough food, water, and shelter because the elements of the new planet are harsh, and you will find no vending.

You're here to create. Since nobody at Burning Man is a spectator, you're here to build your own new world. You've built an egg for shelter, a suit made of light sticks, a car that looks like a shark's fin. You've covered yourself in silver, you're wearing a straw hat and a string of pearls, or maybe a skirt for the first time...

You're here to experience. Ride your bike in the expanse of nothingness with your eyes closed...Find your love and understand each other as you walk slowly under a parasol. Wander under the veils of dust at night on the playa.

You're here to celebrate. On Saturday night, we'll burn the Man. As the procession starts, the circle forms, and the man ignites, you experience something personal, something new to yourself, something you've never felt before. It's an epiphany, it's primal, it's newborn. And it's completely individual.

You'll leave as you came. When you depart from Burning Man, you leave no trace. Everything you built, you dismantle. The waste you make and the objects you consume leave with you. Volunteers will stay for weeks to return the Black Rock Desert to its pristine condition."

I'm sure I'll write more about my experience at Burning Man since I hope to return with the bf this year. I have been looking forward to returning ever since we left last labor day weekend. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life and am looking forward to the adventure that will come with going again this year. 

Feel free to ask me any questions about Burning Man!

frenchie friday

Hi all, hope you guys are all having a great week! I know I have posted a few of these pictures on the blog before but I was scrolling through my pictures and I decided to post some of my favorites. I love these guys so much :)

money woes

I have a confession to make: I have a shopping problem.

After college I was incredibly responsible with my money. With the luxury of being able to live at home, I paid off $25k+ in student loans in 8 months and then spent the next 6 months saving my emergency fund.

I continued with this extreme saving even after I moved out of my parents house and got my apartment in the city. I can't even tell you how many cans of soup I ate for dinner over the next year or how many times I passed on an activity with friends because it was too expensive. This helped me to grow my savings and investments even more, but I was also missing out on a lot of fun things that I could afford.

A little over a year ago I started dating my current boyfriend. He has encouraged me to let loose a little and not stress as much about eating out or traveling. So I started spending a little more money, which was healthy. Soon after though, my parents told me they were getting a divorce and as the story of their separation started to unfold I began shopping to feel better about what was going on. Then I realized what my problem was, I spend nothing or everything I have - there's no middle ground.

I am proud to say that I am still debt free and that this shopping addition hasn't caused any serious problems for me so far. BUT since the new year I have been constantly stressed about money and living paycheck to paycheck. I have a lot of big expenses coming up this year and at the rate I am going I will have to start using my savings to pay off my credit cards.

I can't live like this anymore so I'm going on a spending diet. I wrote down all of my upcoming events (weddings, bridal showers, birthdays, races, bachelorette parties, etc.) and then calculated all of my monthly living expenses and the amount of money I want to save and invest per month. After all of these expenses I have $400 leftover to use on whatever I want. This will include clothes, eating out, going out with friends, plane tickets for weddings, hotels for weddings, and all birthday presents. It's going to be tough but honestly I need to reel it in. I'm hoping that having this extra $400 to spend on things that I want will help me learn to not be so extreme with my money and instead pick and choose what I do each month.

I'll try to update how everything is going on the blog but I mostly wanted to announce this change for support and feedback. Have you guys ever had a similar situation? Do you have any good tips on keeping your finances in check on a regular basis?

 

frenchie friday

Between migraines and *disagreements* with the bf to work drama I am so glad this week is over. It ended on a good note when I went out to Off the Grid last night and got Starbucks for breakfast this morning with the bf.

I have a friend coming to visit this weekend and we have plans to go hiking and have a girls night out in the city. It should be a fun but mellow weekend!

How about you guys, any good plans?

on giving the "right" amount

On Monday at work this week one of my colleagues asked me about my weekend. I told her it was a little boring but good, that I took my pup to the dog park and helped my boyfriend clean his apartment. She asked if I cleaned up after him often and I said no, just this weekend.

"I cleaned and cooked for my husband all the time when we were dating. I wanted him to know that I loved him and wanted him to stick around. Now he complains when I'm not constantly cleaning or catering to him and it doesn't make me happy."

This isn't my situation at all, but I get where she is coming from. I have felt this way sometimes, when I want something to come together so much that I do whatever I can to make it work. I wonder if her husband would have married her if she didn't do those things for him? If he would have loved her had she just been herself?

You want to do nice things for the people you love. You want to take care of them and will do things you don't always like, but where is the line when you are giving too much of yourself? I was reading Vintch earlier today and thought the last paragraph of the blog post got it right:

"it's when these things are expected and sought after without consideration that the partnership begins to weaken, and when the surprise of a sweet deed begins to carry less of its beautiful weight. because yes, being partners means carrying the person, sometimes. picking them up and physically, spiritually and emotionally trudging through the murk and gorgeousness of life together. but it also means knowing when, for the health of the relationship, to let him down to walk by himself. not in front of you or behind you, but right smack-dab next to you, for as long as you both shall live."

you are alive

The other day I was getting my eyebrows waxed and I flinched when the woman pulled on the fabric strip. I apologized and told her I didn't know why I always do that since I've been getting my eyebrows done for years. She replied, "because you're alive".

I am alive! It's nice to remember that even though things may be stressful and hard, I am alive, and I am lucky to be this way.

girls

I hate the show Girls. This doesn't stop me from watching it every Sunday, but I seriously hate that show. I just can't relate to it which bothers me because it is supposed to be the "voice of single girls in their 20's". Maybe my life is boring but I have never done most of the things the characters do on the show. I do like these quotes that BuzzFeed collected. 

What do you guys think? Do you like Girls?

write what you know

I started this blog about 3 years ago. I noticed other people blogging and thought it would be fun to try to make a blog of my own. I didn't know what to write about at the time, so I decided to write about clothes. I love fashion so at the time this was perfect. I continued my "fashion" blog for about a year and a half, and then life got complicated and I was no longer interested in blogging.

A few months ago, I did a project with bloggers at work and decided to give the blog thing a try again. I picked up where I left off, talking about clothes, but this no longer seems right. I have been finding myself struggling to think of things to write about, because I just don't really have an interest in this like I once did.

I'm interested in life and love and about the relationships we share. I find myself slowly unfollowing the fashion bloggers I loved for so many years and instead reading the blogs about life and what it means to be in your 20's and on your own.

I know that if I change what I write I will slowly lose some of my followers as well. And that's okay. I think I need this space to record what I am thinking and how I am feeling in this weird time in my life. I am sorry it is not always going to be fun or what it used to be like around here. But I have to write about what I know.

do you have a long torso?

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I know this is a random post, but I thought I would help the fellow long waisted ladies out there. I love peplum tops, they are very feminine and usually so flattering, unless you have a long waist. I have been on the search for a peplum top that doesn't show off my stomach and I have found three at BP, the juniors department at Nordstroms.

All of the tops above are $30 each and look great on. I bought the white one and I am thinking of getting the last one as well. If you have a long torso these longer peplum tops are a great option.

lukewarm

There's something missing in my life. I love my friends and family and my pup, but I am lacking the excitement, the passion, and I don't know how to change it. I have never really had a hobby, or something that I loved so much that it becomes my life. Every time I start something new I enjoy it for a while but the feelings always fade. I'm not doing what I want in my life because I am not really sure what I want.

This isn't a sad post. I am happy. But I'm lukewarm.

frenchies at the dog park