March 15, 2013

money and relationships

I know this is not a popular topic, but I'm always so curious about how couples deal with money in their relationships. I've had the same view for years about how I would like to keep my finances if I ever get married but most of my friends and close family members have different opinions. Money is so personal and really depends on the couple, which is why I always like to hear how people chose to handle money and all the reasoning behind it. 

Just a heads up, I am going to be completely transparent on how I envision money in a marriage. I have never been married so of course this might change but if I got married tomorrow this is what I would expect.   

I think everything should be shared. I understand why people would want to have separate bank accounts but I wouldn't want that for myself. The reasons? Well there are a lot. First of all, I feel like when you get married (or even when you are in a serious relationship) you're a team. Everything you do, or all of the money you make when you're together is for the relationship, not just the individual anymore. 

I dated a guy for a while that made a significantly greater amount of money that I did. When we would go out on the weekends he always wanted to do things that were more than I could afford. Instead of making me feel bad about not being able to pay, he offered to pay the difference saying that he didn't want to miss out on the things he enjoyed because I couldn't afford it. I know some of my friends disagreed with this, but it actually worked really well for us. 

On the flip side, towards the end of our relationship he made some bad investments and lost a lot of money. This is where I came in. I took much more responsibility paying for things and helped out when he no longer could. I feel like in marriage, there will always be ups and downs and there will be a time where I will have to help my spouse financially- and I am okay with this! People get sick, lose their jobs, take pay cuts and get raises, and I want my spouse to support me through these times as I would 100% support them.

I think the most important thing for me with money and relationships is to be COMPLETELY honest and have both partners equally involved in the finances. Whether it's budgeting, paying the bills, creating financial goals or making big purchases, both parties should have an equal say and knowledge about money.

What do you guys think about money and relationships? Do you agree and disagree with shared bank accounts? Remember, talking about money is incredibly personal so please be respectful in any replies :)

1 comment:

  1. I totally agree that there are ups and downs and you need to chip in. However, I think having individual accounts as well as shared makes a lot of sense. If everything goes into one pot, you don't want your partner to evaluate what you're spending money on and you don't want to get into a position where you are doing the same for them. Also, I know that marriage means you'll be together forever, but marriages sometimes go bad when the people in them forget who they are as individuals. In order to be happy, you always have to feel like an individual, of course, like an individual apart of the marriage team. I think paying for things that make sense dependent on your income will be what I do in the future. For example, I know my fiance will be in grad school for the first few years of marriage, so I fully intend to take the majority of the bills during that time. Always pay if we want to do something expensive, I just think it can be tricky if you share everything. Just one opinion. Know all couples are different.